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28 May 2008 @ 12:08 pm
Hopeless Longings  
Another one for 30_kisses, for NejiHina. I'm not as happy with this piece as I usually am with my work, it felt a little bit forced and didn't flow as well. I think that's really just bc my Naruto muses are struggling so badly. Partially I want to go back and keep reading the manga, in spite of the fail that I know it's turned into. But I really just think that might kill my muses just as easily. I love my NejiHina, I really do. It's just been so long since I really wrote them that I guess I'm just rusty. Either way, this is a bit more sad than most stuff I write, because I'm realy trying to illustrate their relationship in all different lights with these and not all of those lights are happy ones.

Title: Hopeless Longings
Author/Artist: tasogaretaichou
Pairing: Hyuuga NejixHyuuga Hinata
Fandom: Naruto
Theme: #1 - Look over here
Disclaimer: Naruto =/= Mine

She had never been the sort to be noticed. Not like the other girls in her class, or the other women she saw around Konoha. Indeed, even in her own clan, Hyuuga Hinata was a fairly unobtrusive person. Small, quiet, unassuming. A silent wallflower who stood against the wall and simply watched as those around her went on with their lives.

Look at me.....

It was the life she led, the way things were and had always been. Nothing special, nothing overtly noticeable to make her stand out from the rest. She was mediocre, in all aspects of her life. As a shinobi, she constantly fell short, persistently failing to live up to the high standards set out by the noble elders of the Hyuuga clan. Her jutsu were average, her power and control lacking. In a word, she was weak.

Don't ignore me....

And even beyond her life as a shinobi, she seemed to constantly fall short. Where other girls were outgoing, friendly, unafraid of the world, she held back. Lacking confidence, bravery... all those things that a shinobi -- and a Hyuuga -- should have. When she was a child, it had been acceptable, at least on some levels. After all, children took time to develop. And while those of the Hyuuga had been less forgiving of weakness, even in a child, the rest of the village had simply accepted.

Can't you see me?

But she was no longer that child. She was a woman now, a woman grown and a shinobi on top of that. There were things expected of her, things that she didn't know whether she'd be able to do. A shinobi's life wasn't one of timid looks and fearful trembling. It was a life of blood, a life of murder and missions and becoming a tool that could live or die at any time. There was little room for softness and tenderness. And that was what she'd tried to tell herself as she grew up. To remind herself that there were certain things, certain feelings.... that shinobi simply didn't deserve.

Happiness, peace.... love. All of those things were a luxury that so many of them would never gain. Especially in her case. Heir to a noble family, with so much weight placed upon her narrow, young shoulders, Hinata had never dared hope that she could grasp that which her classmates coveted and dreamed of. A life spent with one person, one special individual who would make you feel as though you were on the top of the world. Love.

She'd scoffed inwardly at that, a gesture that those who knew her would have thought strangely inappropriate for one such as her. One with such a gentle and caring nature, who didn't believe in love? Who watched with envy and hurt as those around her freely sampled it. And why shouldn't she? After all, love had been something which she would always be denied. While her friends could fall in love, walk around holding hands, or kiss beneath the mistletoe on Christmas, she would never know that. For her, would not be the slow yet sudden crash of feelings and awkward glances preluding moments of stifled passion and fumbling words. There would be politics and rules and a life lived not as a lover, not as a soul mate... but merely as a wife. Married in arrangement to someone fitting her father's wishes.

Look over here.... just once. And see me....

Perhaps that was the reason why, when love had first cast it's eye on her and she'd felt her heart race at a wide smile beneath shaggy blond hair, she'd mistrusted it. Been too afraid, too hesitant and shy to dare and step forward to claim what she wanted. So instead, she'd spent years pining away in silence, coveting and keeping her love close to her, lest it be taken from her the way so many other dreams had been. And when it had faded, breaking away like old plaster on a wall, she had mourned it. Mourned it and learned from it. Sworn to herself that, should it ever chance upon her again, that this time she would be strong. This time she would stand up and claim it as her own.

But.... promises made to oneself aren't so easily kept. And now, regardless of how much she wanted it, still she stood there, watching as the object of her affections trained, white eyes memorizing every movement, every turn and shift of muscle. Hoping. Hoping and praying that those white eyes so like her own would one day raise and rest themselves upon her. That one day he'd truly see her.
Psyche: annoyedannoyed