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15 October 2007 @ 08:56 pm
 
So here's the NejiHina entry for 30_kisses, since I already posted the IchiRuki one. This one's a bit different from most of the ones I write in a couple ways. First, it's first-person, which I almost never write. I don't really like it, it always feels less like fanfiction and more like I'm just typing a post in here. Beyond that, it's also not really a happy fic, it's rather sad and bittersweet, which I don't tend to do. Oh well, that's the point of a challenge, ne?

Title: Letter to the Lost
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: NejiHina
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Naruto =/= mine



If I could only make you mine. I’ve thought about it, you know. Pictured it, envisioned a world where you and I walk side by side, the way we do now. Yet things are different, somehow, in a sort of intangible way that I don’t even know how to describe with words. I’m not really good with words, you know. At least, not with my voice. It’s always been small, weak. Shy and timid the way my body is as well. Even around you, especially around you.

Because you’re so strong, so much braver and stronger and more courageous then I’ll ever hope to be. But then, that’s part of why I admire you so much. It’s… why I love you so much. You’re strong, wise, brave. All of those things that I’ve never been, that everyone expects of me and berates me for never finding. I wish I could find them, though. You’re my inspiration, you know that? Sure, you’d probably scoff and tell me to stop being stupid, that you know perfectly well that he’s the one I admire, the one I watch and pine for. But you don’t know how much longer I’ve watched you.

Do you remember? When we were little, when things were so different between us. Before the hurt, and the bitterness, and the anger. Before the hardness crept up into your eyes and hid the kindness and softness that once dwelt there. If anyone tried to ask you, tried to find it, you’d probably deny it was ever there. But I remember. I remember the little boy who smiled at me, who held my hand and chased away the monsters in our make-believe worlds. And I remember how much I missed that smile when it faded behind the anger and the hate.

I wonder sometimes, if you would still hate me if you knew how I felt. If you knew how I watch your steps, how I gaze at your back as you walk away down that path to your next mission. If you understood the way I sit and watch the window every time you leave, wondering if this time you won’t come back alive. It’s shameful, I know. For a kunoichi and a Hyuuga at that, to allow herself to get so emotional over what is only a fact of life, that we may all die any day. But I can’t help it. Not where you’re concerned.

I sit up at night and wait and wonder, hoping and praying that morning won’t bring news that I dread. Do you ever think of me? Ever wonder where I am and what I’m doing the way that I do you? Probably not, you aren’t really that sort of person, and I think all of our friends would be shocked if they even knew you once used to smile.

I’m still watching you now, even as I write this letter. Watching you waiting by the corner, waiting for your teammates, off on another mission. Writing this letter that I know I’ll never send you, never let you see. Because even as much as I wish that you could be mine, that I could one day know what it’s like to feel your arms around me, your lips touching mine, to see that smile again with such warmth and feeling… I’m not brave like you. In truth, I’m a coward. A coward who can only write her feelings here, on blank paper that will see no warmth other than that of the pages of the book I’ll hide it in.

It’s silly to hope, after all. Because as much as I would wish it, as much as I hope and pray for the world to make you mine… I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago.
 
 
Psyche: tiredtired
 
 
 
matsuri_makotomatsuri_makoto on October 16th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
ehh...I have a strange question for you. I have just read a few of your fanfictions and in all honesty, they left me breathless. You have such a talent with words and weaving your stories to where I can see them in my mind's eye. I want to improve my own writing and was wondering if you could ...*cough* give me a few tips? Or something like that? If you don't mind of course.
Neko-taichoutasogaretaichou on October 16th, 2007 03:01 am (UTC)
Sure, I don't mind at all. ^___^
matsuri_makotomatsuri_makoto on October 16th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
Phew!
Anywho, I am a big fan of NejiHina and love the whole story behind them and especially how you've written them. I want to know, did you take any classes for your writing? Like creative writing or journalism?

Did it take you quite a bit of time to sit and think the plots out and all?

How do you get the words to flow so well, and ...your vocabulary is fantastic. Did you learn it all in school? Or on your own?

(And I would also like to know if I can friend you.)
Neko-taichoutasogaretaichou on October 16th, 2007 03:15 am (UTC)
No, I never really took any classes in writing, you're actually the first person who's asked me if I have.

As for plots and such, some of them take a while to think out, but some of the time they just come to me. I find that I write best when I don't try to MAKE the story come, and just kind of let it flow, if that makes sense.

One of the most important things that I can pass on is to be SO anal in regards to keeping your characters in character. Neji is a hard character to do, most people tend to lose his cold, stoic edge when they try to pair him with someone, and make him too fluffy, to snuggly and he's just not like that.

Flow and vocabulary come from practice and a good thesaurus. I recommend just using an online one, it really helps. If you want to strengthen your descriptive writing, try participating in theme-challenges like 30_kisses and the like, or try challenging yourself with things like "describe the concept of "red" to someone who has always been blind". Things like that make you think differently and approach things from a different angle, and can really help sharpen your "writing muscles".

And yes, you may certainly friend me. ^___^
matsuri_makotomatsuri_makoto on October 16th, 2007 03:19 am (UTC)
Oh thank you so much, I will definetly take that all to heart. I long to "sharpen" my "writing muscles," as you so kindly put it.

I will look into theme-challenges and such and with your comment, I will try my best to improve until I am happy. (If that is possible)

YAY!! Another friend, and an awesome on at that.

(I used to live in NC, about a year ago. I lived in Fayetteville.)
Neko-taichoutasogaretaichou on October 16th, 2007 03:22 am (UTC)
Sure, and I'm always happy to preview/beta things for you. One of my best friends has a degree in creative writing, and I'm sure she'd be willing to give you some tips too. And it's great that you want to improve, I wish you luck.

^__^

Cool, I'm in Raleigh, but my boyfriend's family is near Fayetteville.
matsuri_makotomatsuri_makoto on October 16th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Well, if you are happy to do so, then expect me to ask, because I know I seriously need help in that area. I seem to have the bug that when I finish writing something, it is perfect when in fact it is far from it. Once I have posted it and all, I go, "Oops...look at all those mistakes."

It is rather embarrassing and I want to hit myself in the forehead for missing silly little things.

I would like some tips from your friend as well thank you.

Well, they aren't all that far, so it seems all good. Unless being too close to them is a 'bad' thing...(Not making any assumptions, I assure you)
Neko-taichoutasogaretaichou on October 16th, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)
Sure, I'm always happy to try and help. And another thing that can really help with your fanfiction writing is to know your characters. And not just in the basic sense, but really study them. Get to know what makes them tick, how their minds work, what their strengths, weaknesses, fears, etc. are. Because if you know that, then you know how they will react in situations, how they will interact with other characters, etc.

Sure, she won't mind at all.

Yeah, it's nice that they're close like that. My family is local to Raleigh so both sets of inlaws are close.